Advertisements

Acceptance and Your Child’s Illness

There are five stages of grief in the Kübler-Ross model. I’ve sourced the stages from Wikipedia.org and shortened them where appropriate.

  1. Denial — The first reactions is denial. In this stage individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.
  2. Anger — When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, it becomes frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; ‘”Who is to blame?”; “Why would this happen?”.
  3. Bargaining — The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Other times, they will use anything valuable against another human agency to extend or prolong the life. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise.
  4. Depression — “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?” […] During the fourth stage, the individual becomes saddened by the mathematical probability of death. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.
  5. Acceptance — “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”; “Nothing is impossible.” In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future […] this state […] typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions.

In my experience, this isn’t a journey from 1 to 5 without ever looking back. There are good days and bad ones. Some progress through these steps slowly, while others go faster. It’s completely normal for it to take a year to progress through these steps. Especially if each new holiday or special event brings another painful experience.

As the parent, especially the primary caregiver, you are likely to proceed through these steps faster than others around you. You may even proceed through them faster than your spouse. It’s normal to have accepted your child’s medical condition when everyone around you is still struggling through the above stages. It’s also normal if you take longer than everyone else to accept it because it’s front and center every day of your life. Everyone goes through this journey at their own pace.

There is no one thing I can tell you which will help you reach acceptance. It’s not something you can pretend to have reached. It comes with a significant amount of inner peace. If you’ve reached it and others around you have not, you may be accused of not caring or giving up. This isn’t the case. You’ve simply come to terms with the fact this is your new reality. You’re going to plan and prepare as if it’s here to stay, and no longer feel the need to fight the inevitable. You’ll still advocate for your child. You’ll still do everything you can to make them more comfortable and help them overcome whatever obstacles are in front of them.

If one of the earlier stages sounds more like where you are, don’t fret. Keep in close contact with your support network. Know that things get easier to manage with time, even if they don’t get better.

…give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed,
The courage to change what can be changed,
and the wisdom to know the one from the other.
– Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

A Momma's View

My thoughts about homeschooling, health and fitness, being an expat, kids and just life in general. My personal Lifestyle Blog!

PenneyVanderbilt

World's Greatest Blogger

HeideBlog

Random observations about writing, photography, travel, and life

Daddy Coping in Style

A dad coping with fatherhood, stylishly.

thekitchensgarden

farming, gardens, cows, goats, chickens, food, organic, sustainable, photography,

The Thrifty Gourmand

Eat Well. Cook Often. Live Sustainably.

Discover

A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.

The Daddy Blitz

Thank you for visiting my Blog! Please take a few moments to leave a comment and to sign my Guestbook. If I'm not already following you, message your Blog address to me.

thehappylife101

Live in the moment with a grateful heart

Loving Them

Even when they drive me crazy.

MakeItUltra™

Psychology to Motivate | Inspire | Uplift

MSnubutterflies

My Walk..........Living With MS

Karen Lee Kleis

Fiction, Poetry, Nonfiction, Photography and Photo Art

Art by Rob Goldstein

There is no common truth

A Thomas Point of View

My high horse journalistic point of view

lifexperimentblog

Sharing my experiences with all life's experiments!

Being Margaret

A lighthearted look at life on any given day

Dream Big, Dream Often

A Blog to Inspire and Challenge You!

HarsH ReaLiTy

A Good Blog is Hard to Find

%d bloggers like this: