The grief stage, depression, is always the most difficult for me. It already saps a ton of energy going through all of the other stages. It’s cruel, in a way, the last stage is the one which completely demotivates you. I should mention, not all types of grief are exactly the same. When dealing with a chronic condition, any bad news starts a new grief cycle. It’s frequent enough, there’s a part of you which feels like an outsider watching a train wreck. It’s obvious what’s coming, you don’t want to watch, but you can’t prevent it or look away.
All the things you normally do to relax and unwind are no longer interesting. If you’re prone to an addiction (food, smoking, alcohol) then the need for a fix is overwhelming. The fatigue is overwhelming, and most things just don’t seem important anymore. To anyone else it looks like something is terribly wrong, but it’s completely normal to feel like this for a little while; if the depression in this type of grief goes on for more than a week or two it may be time to become concerned. There are other types where stages may take months or years depending on the loss.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, eventually. I finally reached it today. I’m interested in writing again, and I have the energy to do everything that needs to be done around the house. I was taking care of those things all along, but the mountainous tasks don’t feel so difficult anymore. They really never were hard except for the added emotional strain I was carrying everywhere.
To those that follow to hear about my son’s condition specifically, I’ll share as soon as I’m ready. It will probably be a few months before I’m ready to put it in writing.