I found out today that I can finally work! I’ve been asking and asking, and they kept telling me they didn’t have anything. They found something I can do! The hours are flexible and the work is independent, so I don’t have to worry about coordinating around anyone else’s schedule. I’m so happy I can’t describe it. This one small thing, just being able to put in 10-20 hours a week, has completely changed how I feel about my life.
There is now time that I’m away from the house and CAN’T take the baby if whoever is caring for him gets overwhelmed. I can forget, for a few hours, all the details about his medical condition. No calls from doctors, no measuring out meds, no wrangling with a feeding tube! A new door has opened for me, and it leads to what I wanted my life to be like before having our son. We’re no closer than we were yesterday to the life that I want, but it feels like I can almost touch it. If I reach far enough. If I just work a little harder. I might just end up where I wanted to be after all.
I guess this is what having hope feels like. I like it, a lot. Please don’t leave me again. I need you.