Our Family, Gov’t Style (Silly)

Our Family, Gov’t Style (Silly)

We have three people in our home, Mom (Me), Dad, and the Toddler. I’ve realized lately how much our family function resembles the structure of the U.S. Gov’t. Weird I know, but allow me to explain. The Toddler is most definitely President of our family. I’m Congress, both branches (I do what I want, or so I tell myself). Dad is the Supreme Court.

Mr. Toddler has the astounding ability to veto each and every rule I attempt to issue. He didn’t use this power quite so frequently, but as we reach the terrible twos it’s an almost constant battle. Thankfully, I can override vetos since I’m the ENTIRETY of Congress all wrapped into one (take that, partisan brinksmanship). I do have to be a little careful because the Toddler is not very fond of having his vetos overridden, and doing it too frequently results in even more vetos (meltdown, yikes). Don’t even get me started on executive orders.

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Toddlers and Glasses, 7 Common Questions

  1. How on earth do they test toddlers for glasses? They can’t tell you whether or not an image is blurry.
    They can shine a light into their eyes and when the light is in focus, that means their vision is in focus. There’s more to it, but essentially they remove the communication requirement.
  2. How do you keep them on?
    Very carefully. No, seriously. The strap on the back is so he won’t lose them. It actually has little if anything to do with keeping them on his face. He takes them off when he’s angry, tired, or wants attention. Essentially they’re on his face because he’s forgotten they’re there. Please don’t remind him.
  3. They make glasses for kids that young?
    Yes, but they’re not easy to find. If you don’t know where to look you can easily spend a long time and way too much money trying to find a place that makes a pair your child can stand.
    Pro tip: If you have vision insurance, call and ask. They’ll know which places in your area sell glasses for toddlers.
  4. That’s an interesting color! I thought they only made pink and blue!
    They make them in just about every color under the sun, but choosing pink or blue is an easy way to broadcast to the world your child is a boy or girl.
  5. He doesn’t break them?
    Nope, they’re solid flexible plastic and the strap is elastic. They’re virtually indestructible. I won’t say completely indestructible, because if I did tomorrow my son would choose to prove me wrong and that would be expensive.
  6. How do you keep them clean?
    We don’t really. He throws up on them, spits up on them, puts fingerprints on them, and spills food on them every chance he gets. They get cleaned at least five to ten times every day.
  7. He’s so cute!
    Yes, he is. He’s a complete chick magnet. Every woman even slightly interested in children can spot him from a mile off. Some try to resist and end up coming to say hi anyway. Thankfully he loves the attention.

10 Signs You’re a Parent of a Tubie

Thought some of you moms (and dads) would enjoy this. Please share it with others that need a smile.

  1. Some sounds will wake you out of a dead sleep and will probably continue to do so for a long long time, if not the rest of your life. The high pitched beeping of a medical grade pump, for instance.
  2. When you have to give medication to a child without a feeding tube, or they have a belly full of gas. You won’t really wish they have a feeding tube, but you’ll think for at least a brief moment you would be able to help them a lot more if they did.
  3. The idea of dropping your child off at daycare is foreign to you. If you leave your child with anyone, they’ve gone through at least several days of training to make sure the caregiver isn’t going to cause an emergency room visit.
  4. You don’t wait more than an hour to be seen in the emergency room, because if it’s not something the doctor would be willing to call ahead for you can take care of it yourself at home.
  5. You already know what’s wrong with your child when you take them to the hospital, but the hospital is the only place that can do the things you need done fast enough to prevent your child from developing complications.
  6. It’s no longer surprising when someone implies you’re a bad parent. “Obvious,” solutions for your child’s complex medical problem seem to flow from everywhere. Clearly all of the therapists and specialists you’ve been seeing for years are incompetent and have no idea what they’re doing. They couldn’t have possibly suggested these, “obvious,” solutions when you first started seeing them. It’s not like your child’s medical professionals have experience with these types of problems or anything.
  7. You know immediately whether or not a doctor or resident has read your child’s chart as soon as they walk in the room. They’d look a lot more terrified if they had.
  8. If an elective admission has to be pushed from June to July you ask to be called if there are any cancellations in June or to take care of it in September.
  9. By the end of the year, you haven’t had to pay out of pocket for medical services for at least three months, and for some as many as eleven.
  10. People tell you they don’t think they could ever handle the things you’ve been through with your child’s medical problems. You look at them like they’re crazy, because you can’t imagine anyone doing anything differently. There’s way too much love in your heart for that little angel to let them suffer a minute more than necessary.
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