I found out today that I can finally work! I’ve been asking and asking, and they kept telling me they didn’t have anything. They found something I can do! The hours are flexible and the work is independent, so I don’t have to worry about coordinating around anyone else’s schedule. I’m so happy I can’t describe it. This one small thing, just being able to put in 10-20 hours a week, has completely changed how I feel about my life.
A Special Needs Mom’s Never Ending Battle with Feelings of Inadequacy
I spent the first twenty or so years of my life judging my worth by grades. After that, it was job title and salary. It wasn’t until almost thirty that my son was born and his medical difficulties turned everything I knew about how to measure myself upside down. Some Moms compete over who has the sickest child, but that’s just not me. I’m perfectly happy when my son needs less medical intervention than someone else’s. I want him to be able to blend into a crowd and let something define him besides his health. At the end of the day, I’m left with no way to define myself good or bad. It leaves me feeling completely out of my depth. For every new thing I learn, there’s ten more things I need to work on.
Learning to be a Stay at Home Mom, Part Two: The Journey
I was a bit of a tomboy growing up, so I really didn’t know how to manage a household. Looking back on it, it’s hilarious now. It really wasn’t funny at the time. I knew to clean the floors, bathroom and kitchen. I knew how to run laundry with a pre-baby level of soiling. I could certainly cook, but cooking with a baby is a little different. So, the house looked clean. It took a while to figure out that running our clothes on, “normal” cycle with just detergent was not going to clean a garment dripping with vomit. A lot of food ended up under-cooked. I would remember to turn the fire off to go tend to my son, but wouldn’t necessarily be able to tell how much longer food needed to be cooked afterwards.
Learning to be a Stay at Home Mom, Part One: Acceptance
I didn’t plan to stay home with my son. I thought I would give birth, spend a couple weeks snuggling him, and then place him in a daycare close to my work where I could visit him during the day if I chose to do so. My husband and I had always evenly split the chores. With both of us working, we figured we could hire someone to come in and help once a week. It was a great plan for us and we were ready to execute it over a month before our son was even born.
Struggling to Thrive 