Reconciliation

November 16, 2015 By in Special Topics Leave a comment

It’s that time of the year. Many people miss the loved ones they’ve not seen in months or more. The holidays have a way of reminding us parts of our family are missing. It’s especially difficult when you don’t know why the other person stopped talking to you. It can also be tough if you feel you didn’t have a choice but to stop talking to the other person for the sake of you and your family’s wellbeing.

If the issue is resolvable this is a good time to consider reaching out to mend fences. It doesn’t have to be some kind of extravagant gesture. A Christmas card, an e-mail, or even just a signed postcard will let the person know you’re thinking of them. Will it work? Who knows. The important thing is to try. You’ll never know unless you try.

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From Chaos to Calm

November 14, 2015 By in Our Family's Journey Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment
From Chaos to Calm

It’s difficult to struggle through the chaos jumping from one thing to the next with no break between. Emergency after emergency barrels you over and there’s no way to tell for sure you’ll make it up for breath before the next wave comes crashing down, pushing you deeper underwater. You manage to survive the onslaught and suddenly everything goes quiet. You cringe waiting for the next wave to hit you and it doesn’t come. Instead, there’s nothing. The silence is deafening as you wash up on a perfectly calm beach which would theoretically be a wonderful place to be except the transition is so abrupt it’s jarring.

This is what happened after our son was diagnosed. Suddenly all the chaos went silent. In an effort to cope I’ve been cleaning the house non-stop and working continuously on our son’s occupational and physical therapy. I picked out decorations for the house and placed them appropriately. I’ve done some research into my next writing project. I’ve put in time at work. Today it finally hit home. There are no more emergencies. We may never rush off to the hospital emergency room again juggling calls from specialists and the pediatrician to determine if they want our son immediately admitted. From here on out our interactions with medical professionals are going to be routine. Straight forward. Normal.

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Planning for Thanksgiving

November 12, 2015 By in U.S. Thanksgiving Tags: , , , , , , 2 Comments

No matter what your situation, the hustle and bustle can be a challenge. Our son’s vomiting and feeding tube add an additional level of complexity. Family drama on top of it all guarantees this season will be an especially challenging one. I’m certain I’m not the only one dealing with this, so I decided to share some of the things I’m planning in order to make the holidays as joyful as possible. I hope they help, for both of our sakes.

We’re hosting Thanksgiving this year. It’s the only way to avoiding missing out on the food trying to manage the toddler’s tube feedings and vomiting. Dinner is the high point of Thanksgiving, and without me managing the kitchen it would be impossible to keep dairy and eggs out of as many items as possible. This can be as simple as pulling our son’s food out before the butter goes in, but that’s difficult to do without being underfoot in someone else’s kitchen (mostly because wherever I go the toddler is not far behind).

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Medical Expenses and Taxes

November 9, 2015 By in Money Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

First and foremost, the rules change every year. I’m not a tax expert. My information comes from the IRS website. It’s important to consult a tax professional if you need help with your taxes. Now that the legal stuff is out of the way…

If you have a ton of medical expenses every year you have three main options as far as taxes are concerned.

  1. Health Savings Account – Pre-tax money for use on medical expenses
  2. Flexible Spending Account – Also pre-tax money for use on medical expenses, but with different rules.
  3. Itemize your taxes and reduce your tax burden by claiming medical expenses as a deduction.

Doing one or two does not prevent you from doing number three, but you can’t use the tax-free money and then claim those medical expenses as a deduction on your taxes.

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How Working Can Make You a Better Caregiver

November 7, 2015 By in Caregiver Tips & Tricks Tags: , , , , 2 Comments

It may sound like a bad idea to add another responsibility on top of an already agonizing workload. After all, managing a household is certainly plenty of work. Fortunately, many modern day conveniences allow for a household to still run well without sunup to sundown backbreaking labor. On top of that, many things people consider hobbies can be considered work if you’re good at them. Photography, painting, and writing are all legitimate careers. Is it going to pay your bills? Probably not, however if you enjoy your “work” then any money which comes from it is simply a bonus. Instead of a job it’s a break from the monotony.

Is your child able to be taken care of by someone else for the same, or less, money than you would make working full or part time from home? If so you can work from home and be available for any emergencies which might come up. For example, my son’s feeding tube is the only thing a babysitter would encounter over an eight hour period. With a weeks worth of training, someone could easily learn to do that.

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Cleaning to Sanitize vs. Cleaning for Appearance

November 5, 2015 By in Caregiver Tips & Tricks Tags: , , , , , 1 Comment

I had the time and energy to clean the house today. While I was shuffling through and bouncing from room to room, I realized something. I don’t clean the same way I did before my son was born. I used to go from room to room top to bottom and do everything at once. One room had to be completely cleaned before I moved to the next. It’s like night and day.

Now I clean the biggest mess first. The toddler had a massive vomit episode in the kitchen. I guess it’s time to vacuum and mop the hardwood floor. We’ve had a vomiting episode in the bedroom. Time to vacuum and wash the bedroom carpet. Every once in a while I’ll get a chance to take care of something that isn’t related to our son. For example, today I cleaned the bathroom! It would be way too embarrassing to admit how long it’s been since that happened. I can’t remember the last time I was able to enjoy a completely clean house.

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Beginning a New Chapter

November 3, 2015 By in Our Family's Journey Tags: , , , 2 Comments

Yesterday we went to see, what we expect to be, our son’s last new specialist. It was an emotional day for me because this felt like our last chance for new ideas. We left empty handed. All we have left to do is implement his care plan, which is straight forward albeit time-consuming.

Have you ever had the feeling you’ve hit the end of a chapter? Today feels significantly different from yesterday. Yesterday our son’s care plan still had the potential to change. Today we know exactly what we need to do for at least the next six months. While his care takes up the majority of my day, it’s a relief to know the load isn’t going to get heavier even if it doesn’t get lighter.

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Becoming a Medical Mom Goodreads Giveaway

October 31, 2015 By in Book Announcements Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Becoming a Medical Mom Goodreads Giveaway

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Becoming a Medical Mom by Ashley Bergris

Becoming a Medical Mom

by Ashley Bergris

Giveaway ends December 01, 2015.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

My book, “Becoming a Medical Mom,” is up for a giveaway on Goodreads. There are ten signed copies up for grabs, free with no strings attached. It’s basically a lottery system. As many people register as are interested. Ten of those will be selected by Goodreads and I’ll ship them a signed copy of my book.

This is the link: https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/160173-becoming-a-medical-mom

If you’d like to know more about the book, the easiest way is to click on the book’s title on the giveaway entry page. It was originally written with inexperienced medical moms in mind. However, I’ve been told informally that even veterans can gain some insight. I encourage you to at least check out the preview on Amazon.com if you’re on the fence. It’ll give you some insight into the topics the book covers. I linked to the physical book because that’s what you’re going to get if you win a copy in the giveaway. There is also a Kindle version.  I truly believe this book is helpful and fills a gap which no one else has addressed.

Choosing a Support Pet

October 30, 2015 By in Caregiver Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Life can be tough on caregivers, emotionally and physically. The added strain of caregiving for a child takes up a lot of emotional energy. Sometimes there’s another parent, and sometimes there isn’t. Even when there is, the other parent has their own struggles to deal with and can’t always be fully emotionally available to the caregiver. Support pets can be a huge help as long as you fully understand the commitment you’re making to yourself and the pet.

My recommendation as far as the best option for a support pet would be a house cat. Others have chosen dogs, birds, rodents, and even reptiles. It’s worth going over the pros and cons of each despite the inevitable length of the entry. I’ll start with my highest recommended pet and work my way down. Feel free to bail out once you’ve found your match.

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Depression, Grief’s Last Stand

October 28, 2015 By in Caregiver Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

The grief stage, depression, is always the most difficult for me. It already saps a ton of energy going through all of the other stages. It’s cruel, in a way, the last stage is the one which completely demotivates you. I should mention, not all types of grief are exactly the same. When dealing with a chronic condition, any bad news starts a new grief cycle. It’s frequent enough, there’s a part of you which feels like an outsider watching a train wreck. It’s obvious what’s coming, you don’t want to watch, but you can’t prevent it or look away.

All the things you normally do to relax and unwind are no longer interesting. If you’re prone to an addiction (food, smoking, alcohol) then the need for a fix is overwhelming. The fatigue is overwhelming, and most things just don’t seem important anymore. To anyone else it looks like something is terribly wrong, but it’s completely normal to feel like this for a little while; if the depression in this type of grief goes on for more than a week or two it may be time to become concerned. There are other types where stages may take months or years depending on the loss.

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